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knowing when to walk away

Taken from the “Ask Sabatino” section of this blog:

Dear Sabatino:

I have been married for six years, but I have fallen completely out of love with my husband.  Sometimes I think the only reason I stay is because I don’t know if there’s anyone else out there for me and because I never thought this would happen to me.  I am ashamed when I think about all the money and time our families had spent for our wedding. I just want to please everyone, but I am miserable.  What should I do?

– Beth

walkaway

Hi Beth!

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time in your marriage. I will try to help you where I can, but understand, only you can make this decision for yourself.

Can I tell you a secret?  I’m actually divorced, and it’s completely embarrassing for me to say that on here- but the truth is, sometimes people were just not meant to be together in that capacity.  I would like to consider myself a prime example that you can do everything in your power to be the best husband or wife, but at the end of the day, sometimes everything isn’t enough.  I gave up my entire life for this person; family, friends, even moved across the world because I thought true love meant completely giving yourself away to someone.  Little did I know, compromising yourself can be just as detrimental to a relationship.

Sometimes people change, and sometimes your views and goals no longer match. For instance, if you want kids some day but he would rather focus on his career, that’s kind of a big deal. Sure, it’s good to compromise in any relationship, but is this an issue you’re willing to compromise on? How many other important issues are you willing to give up if you’re miserable, and better yet, how long are you willing to feel this way?  That gets in to a whole other health situation.

The other problem is he needs to realize how important these things are to you.  Obviously if you’re this upset, this is a major concern for you and should not be taken lightly.

I may not know your entire situation; with these things there are always multiple dimensions, but here’s what I do know from my experiences.  I was completely ashamed to get a divorce- the term “divorce” just carries such a bad stigma.  However, it’s important to remember that we are all human, meaning we are all ever-changing, we all sometimes lose site of where we’re going, and we ALL make mistakes.  I’m in love with being in love, but it pains me to see someone who keeps themselves miserable just to avoid the confrontation of divorce.  I swear, it’s really not that bad, and I promise it gets better.

If I may add one more quick note.  Having kids will NEVER fix a broken marriage.  EVER.  Kids are a huge undertaking that require dedication from everyone involved.  Bringing a child in to this world in an attempt to “fix” your marriage is completely selfish and irrational.  I’m all for having kids, but make sure they’re brought in to a loving home.

I’ll step down from my soapbox now.

To ask Sabatino a question, please use the “Ask Sabatino” tab at the top of the page. 

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One comment on “knowing when to walk away

  1. Very interesting information!Perfect just what I was searching for!

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