There is a proper way to display affection in public. This is not it.
Wait. Are those two chicks?? er…I’m just going to save this on my desktop. You know what, nevermind. Anyway.
As I mentioned, there are right and wrong ways to display affection in public, and I’m here to sort it all out for you. The key is moderation.
Kissing is appropriate in small doses. A peck on the cheek is acceptable, but a full on make-out session at a busy intersection, not so much.
Hugging should be kept to greetings and goodbyes, but for long embraces you should get a room.
And can we quickly talk about those couples who like to stick their hands in each other’s back pockets as they walk side by side through the mall? If this is you, just stop already. I don’t get it. Is it a possessive thing? Like, “this is mine”. It’s just so unnecessary. I don’t want your hands in my back pocket. That’s where I keep my wallet, and quite frankly, I don’t like the idea of my wallet in your hands while you’re running around a busy shopping mall.
Now, before you start thinking I’m a complete romantic dud in public, there are a few tasteful things you can do to show affection to your significant other out in the real world. Here are a few of my favorites.
Subtle touches. This could mean a quick and discrete brush of the arm with your hand as you’re walking by or just your hand on the small of her back- but don’t leave it there too long, just enough for her to notice. This lets her know you’re attentive to her without being over bearing.
The eye-lock. Locking eyes with her from across the room lets her know that even though you’re not directly next to her, you’re always on her mind. It’s subtle, subliminal, and effective. Add in a bashful smile and wait for her to perk up, give you a confused look and say “whaaaat?”- I can almost guarantee that reaction. I usually like to follow it up by whispering a question about having sex in a public place (like a dressing room, or a restroom), just to get a reaction out of her.
Or perhaps the easiest- simple interactive conversation. When I’m with a girl who is shopping for clothes and I’m bored out of my mind, I start pulling things off the racks and asking her to try them on. Tell her you think she’ll look great in your selection. It’s not much, but it shows that you’re taking an active interest in your day together. She knows you’re bored, and she actually feels bad about it. Make things easier for the both of you, and be a part of it. Plus, maybe she’ll reward you with an Orange Julius- that’s all I ever ask for.
All I’m saying is keep it classy, and between the two of you. The world doesn’t need to see your love, but your wife absolutely should. Show her with a little tact.