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what i’ve learned from the movie “UP”

Have you seen this movie!?

up

If you’re not tearing up in the first ten minutes of this movie, then you’re not human.  I’m just going to come right out and say it.

I mean, seriously!  I’ll try not to spoil it for you but Pixar really tugs on the heartstrings with this one.  Here’s the first ten minutes:

Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, they grow old together while sharing their hopes and dreams yet to be accomplished.

Girl dies. (really Pixar?!)

Boy, clinching on to a memory of girl, does everything in his power to fulfill the dreams they never got to accomplish together.

Just end it for me now!  Is there no greater fear than finding true love and then losing it to a higher power?  It gives me chills.  Like, literally, as I type this I have chills and suddenly want to drink heavily.

Though, despite it’s somewhat depressing intro, the rest of the movie is refreshingly upbeat and comical- begging you to ask the question, “How long will you put off your dreams together, and by then, will it be too late?”

My point here is that sometimes in relationships we grow old too fast.  We begin our lives together with ambitious dreams and goals, yet seem to put them on the back burner when other supposed “more important” situations arise.  (Like needing a new roof, having kids, or financial issues)

Yes, these things all cost money, and in the case of children, a great deal of your time- but don’t forget that accomplishing your dreams together as a couple can really give a much-needed boost to your relationship and your family.  If I may also add, new experiences together can tighten a bond like you wouldn’t believe.

Be the catalyst in your love life.  Be the spark that pulls you closer to your partner.  Experience new things together, make a plan to reach the goals you set for your relationship, and love like there’s no tomorrow- because in some sad cases, for one of you there might not be.

Hold on to your loved one today.  Hold them tight like you may never see them again.

God only knows how much I wish I could hold you right now.

 

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defining unconditional love

“To give and not expect return that is what lies at the heart of love.”

– Oscar Wilde

unconditional

I’ve talked about it a lot, but what exactly is unconditional love?

Merriam-Webster defines unconditional love as “love without limits”.  That’s a little vague for me, but here’s what I know.

When we have children, we provide everything to them before providing for ourselves. Sure, they’ll test our patience, and at times make us upset, but that doesn’t mean we stop loving them.  Ergo, our love for them is indeed unconditional- it’s without limits.

The same argument could be made for pets.  I have a cat named Ernest Hemingway (check my Instagram for pictures) who I adore.  Sometimes I am late getting home from work to feed him and sometimes I have to discipline him for scratching at the furniture, but every night without fail he curls up next to me and goes to sleep.  It doesn’t matter what happens in our day, he has an unconditional love for me regardless.

So why is it that we have such a hard time showing that same love without limits to our significant others?  Yes.  Sometimes you’re going to get angry or disappointed with your wife or husband, but should that be the end of your relationship?  Are we that upset over a particular issue that we’re ready to give up entirely?  A small problem is much more likely to end your relationship before it ends your life.  Fix it and move on, or allow it to destroy you.  If you’re allowing it to control your love, then I’m afraid you have rocks in your head.

I’ve seen far too many men force their loved ones away because they can’t see past themselves and their own agendas.  Put yourself in her shoes, and ask yourself if this is something worth losing her over- because I can promise if you’re not willing to die for her, there’s always someone else who will.

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publicly displaying affection

There is a proper way to display affection in public.  This is not it.

pda

Wait.  Are those two chicks??  er…I’m just going to save this on my desktop.  You know what, nevermind.   Anyway.

As I mentioned, there are right and wrong ways to display affection in public, and I’m here to sort it all out for you.  The key is moderation.

Kissing is appropriate in small doses.  A peck on the cheek is acceptable, but a full on make-out session at a busy intersection, not so much.

Hugging should be kept to greetings and goodbyes, but for long embraces you should get a room.

And can we quickly talk about those couples who like to stick their hands in each other’s back pockets as they walk side by side through the mall? If this is you, just stop already.  I don’t get it.  Is it a possessive thing?  Like, “this is mine”.  It’s just so unnecessary.  I don’t want your hands in my back pocket.  That’s where I keep my wallet, and quite frankly, I don’t like the idea of my wallet in your hands while you’re running around a busy shopping mall.

Now, before you start thinking I’m a complete romantic dud in public, there are a few tasteful things you can do to show affection to your significant other out in the real world.  Here are a few of my favorites.

Subtle touches.  This could mean a quick and discrete brush of the arm with your hand as you’re walking by or just your hand on the small of her back- but don’t leave it there too long, just enough for her to notice.  This lets her know you’re attentive to her without being over bearing.

The eye-lock.  Locking eyes with her from across the room lets her know that even though you’re not directly next to her, you’re always on her mind.  It’s subtle, subliminal, and effective.  Add in a bashful smile and wait for her to perk up, give you a confused look and say “whaaaat?”- I can almost guarantee that reaction. I usually like to follow it up by whispering a question about having sex in a public place (like a dressing room, or a restroom), just to get a reaction out of her.

Or perhaps the easiest- simple interactive conversation.  When I’m with a girl who is shopping for clothes and I’m bored out of my mind, I start pulling things off the racks and asking her to try them on.  Tell her you think she’ll look great in your selection.  It’s not much, but it shows that you’re taking an active interest in your day together.  She knows you’re bored, and she actually feels bad about it. Make things easier for the both of you, and be a part of it.  Plus, maybe she’ll reward you with an Orange Julius- that’s all I ever ask for.

All I’m saying is keep it classy, and between the two of you.  The world doesn’t need to see your love, but your wife absolutely should.  Show her with a little tact.

 

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don’t wait to resolve issues

I know you won’t admit it.

resolve

I also know you’ve been thinking about her all day and it’s killing you, but you’re both stuck at work and nothing can be done until tonight.

I’ve been there all too often.  In fact, sometimes I’m there when I don’t even have to be because I have a tendency to over-analyze EVERYTHING.

This is why I try my hardest to implement a rule in every relationship that no one sleeps until all issues of the day are resolved- furthermore, no one sleeps alone.  That means, husbands should always share beds with their wives, and wives shouldn’t ever banish their husbands to the couch.  This is about dealing with relationship issues together, as a couple, and as a team.

You’ve just had a fight over finances.  She thinks you spend too much on your daily lunch at work, while you think she spends too much on internet shopping.  You have a big blow out over dinner, and the issue isn’t resolved by bed time.  You go to work the next day exhausted from the fighting, and you only caught a few hours of sleep on the couch.  All day long you let the situation fester inside of you and you can’t take it anymore.  You go home and explode like a volcano, unleashing complete hell on your wife and family.  The fighting rages on for the next three days.  What have you accomplished?

Relationships are rarely perfect.  They take work, and patience. The truth is, issues will arise, and if you’re not willing to confront those issues with sincerity, tact, and a sense of urgency, your relationship and family could suffer.  Before you let things get out of hand, ask yourself these questions:

What am I trying to accomplish?  Is it realistic?  Is it obtainable?  What is the timeframe I’m shooting for?  Is it in the best interest of our family, or just myself?

And geeez!  Sit down with your wife and figure this all out before bed.  No one sleeps until we come to an agreement!  That being said, compromise.  Sometimes you have to give in a little.  It’s okay.  That’s why they’re your partner, you can trust them.  You may still go to bed a little irritated, but by the morning, you’ll both be much more inclined to discuss each other’s ideas.

This is love.  This is what it means to be in a relationship.  Be selfless.  Be a man.

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ask sabatino – finding closure

Taken from the “Ask Sabatino” portion of this site.

Dear Sabatino:

My question is about moving on. In your mind, what is the best way to move on. It has been 9 months since my last relationship ended, and I still miss him every day. I think it’s bc we never had good closure. He never gave me a real reason other than “he was too busy” which isn’t an excuse for someone you’ve loved for so long. I’m starting to feel pathetic.

-K

closure

Hello K!

Finding closure and moving on post-relationship is maybe the most frequently asked and debated topic out there- and is never easy to answer due to the fact that everyone “heals” in different ways and timeframes.  I’ll help where I can.
About five years ago I was on a receiving end of a breakup with a girl I not only dated for six years, but also believed I would marry.  I had invested the better part of a decade, money, and dreams in to us and in one evening she had completely thrown our love away and ran off with one of my good friends (at the time).  As I’m sure you can relate, this devastated me for the better part of a year. So, how did I kick it?
I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason.  Just as there was a reason you were together, there is also a reason you’re not now- and that doesn’t mean you aren’t meant to be together in the future.  Maybe your timing is off with this guy, or maybe he’s just not “the one”.  You wouldn’t want to just “settle”, would you?
After I had broken the spell from this girl and cleared the fog in my head, I realized that her and I were never on the same page at all!  I believed in God, she didn’t.  I cherished my family, she despised them.  I wanted kids in the future, she hated kids.  I mean, seriously!  What did I ever see in her??  I must have been an idiot!  Turns out, I was just settling.
For me, the key to “letting go” was in “reinvention”.  In the time I spent feeling sorry for myself, I had realized that I was missing out on so many other opportunities. I had forgotten how awesome I was! In an effort to rebuild my shattered self-esteem, I remember my roommate telling me a key phrase that became the pinnacle of my turnaround- “you better get cocky, kid”.  Now, I know cockiness is usually frowned upon, but he wasn’t telling me to brag or gloat about myself.  He was simply stating that if I was going to move on, I needed to be completely confident in my new direction.  I had to become a new, better version of me.
It’s easy to lose yourself in a breakup. I’m sure you feel as if he took a lot of you with him, but in reality you’ve gained so much from this.  You’ve learned what you like and dislike from a partner, and that’s only going to make you more dynamic in your next adventure- and trust me, there WILL be a next adventure.  You better get cocky, kid.  🙂
Here’s to 2013 being your year!  Good luck, and let me know how it goes!  I’m here for you.
Sabatino
Thanks for the great question, K!  Hope it helped.
To ask Sabatino a question, please fill out the form in the “Ask Sabatino” portion of this site.  All names and personal information is kept completely confidential. 
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a dream of love

I had a dream about you last night.

dream

It’s all a little fuzzy now that I’m awake, but last night it was so real.  Like, I could hear your voice, smell the shampoo in your hair, and feel your breath as you whispered in my ear.  It was almost as if you really were laying next to me.  Were you??  Has the apartment building security gone lax?  Did I leave the door unlocked again?

If I did, then expect for me to leave it open again tonight, because that.  was.  hot.

Though, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all flashes of passion and hours of taking advantage of each other in the kitchen, and the living room, and the shower, and the laundry room, and again in the kitchen- don’t judge me.  There was a backdrop of normality, in a home that we called our own, a family that we had brought together, and a life that we built on each other.

There were friends and family scattered and socializing through the house, and the kids were all playing in the back yard.  I had fired up the grill and the two of us were cooking some of the best food on the block.

But that’s how it seems to work.  Even in my dreams, I crave an entire life with you.  It seems I can’t have one aspect without having all of you, and I hope some day you can dedicate all of yourself to us.  I promise, you already have all of me.

I hope to see you again tonight.  I’ll leave the door open.

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the secret handshake of love

What if you could pick up the girl of your dreams just by shaking her hand?

hands

Wait! Wait!  Hear me out!

I know this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous, especially to all you women, but I swear this works.  At least, in my experiences it has worked- and I would give it a success rate of roughly 85%, which may not sound too promising but honestly, when you’re looking for companionship you’ll try anything.

So you see a girl at the bar, you’ve taken a liking to her, and you’re looking for a way to break the ice.  Tell the bartender you would like to buy her next drink and to let her know you sent it over. When she gets the drink, if she has any class, she’ll smile, wave, and thank you.  That’s simple enough.  Now go introduce yourself with confidence, like meeting a new client at work.  Smile, eye contact, and a firm hand shake.  The first two come standard, but here’s the important part- the secret handshake of love.  Don’t tell anyone!

The handshake starts out like any normal handshake- open palm, thumb pointed to the ceiling, inviting, and not rigid.  You grasp their hand firmly, because a firm handshake is a sign of confidence.  Don’t hold their hand any longer than you would an important client and make sure you look them in the eyes, and smile.  Now here’s where we separate the men from the boys.

As the handshake is coming to a close, and your hands begin to pull back, slightly -and I emphasize ever so slightly- begin tilting your hand while still grasping hers so that your palm is now facing the ceiling and your thumb is pointing to the right.  As your hands continue to retract, allow your fingers to curl up and graze her fingertips.  That’s all there is to it.  So, how does that help me, you ask?

The theory behind this is that the handshake, eye contact, and smile are all very common forms of greeting, thus women find it less threatening and more comfortable.  Though she may not be aware of it, while your fingertips slide past hers, you are actually sending a subliminal message to her brain that you’re interested in her.

Don’t believe me?    Try it next time you’re out and let me know how it works out for you.  As I mentioned, I have had success with this, so it’s not complete bollocks.

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ask sabatino- proper date attire

Dear Sabatino:

I am recently divorced and have been trying to talk to this woman at my job for months. She finally agreed to go out on a date with me.  I’ve decided to take her to a local Tapas Bar here in town, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been out on a date and I don’t know what I should wear.  I don’t want to be too dressy, but don’t want to look like a slob.  What would you recommend?

Jared

dateattire

Hi Jared!

First dates and impressions are super important, so I’m glad you’re taking your attire in to serious consideration.  I think the first step is to consider the mood you’re trying to set.  If it’s cool and casual, then your clothes should present that and likewise if it’s romantic and formal.

Also, consider where your date is taking place, you don’t want to be overdressed for the location.  I love the idea of a tapas bar because you can order a few small dishes and split them, without looking like you’re eating a whole bunch, and usually they’re relaxed settings great for conversation. We have a local tapas bar here that I use frequently for first dates.  It’s a little classier than “jeans and t-shirt”, but not formal enough for a suit.  I usually show up with a nice pair of jeans, button down shirt, no tie, and a nice pair of ‘dressy shoes” (You can tell I’m no fashionista).  The combo says relaxed, but clean.

Now, lets talk jewelery. Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of guys accessorizing with too much jewelery- that was odd for me to even type.  Here’s how I see it on a first date:  A watch is acceptable, and maybe even encouraged, but make sure it goes with your look. Don’t wear a super fancy watch with jeans, just don’t.  Don’t wear rings. Your class ring from 1998 is absurd and unattractive.  A small chain around your neck is acceptable, but keep it tucked in your shirt. Stay away from heavy necklaces- she’s in to YOU, not Mr. T. and I pity the fool who thinks otherwise.

Hats.  ugh.  I dislike hats on a first date unless you’re going to a ball game or a hoedown.  You may keep women around with your charm, but you win them with your eyes.  Let her gaze.

Facial hair is a toss-up, really.  I think in your situation, the safe bet is to wear your facial hair like you would for work.  So if you’re clean-shaven at the office, be clean-shaven for her until she says otherwise.  If you are a member of ZZ Top, then maybe you should keep the beard- just promise me you’ll brush it.

I think that covers most of the basics.  If you have any other questions, please ask, because I’m sure I left something out.  Good luck, Jared!  Any of you women want to weigh in on this??  What are some of your first date turn on’s and turn off’s?  I’m sure Jared would love the advice.

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resolute to love

I’m coming for you.

searchforlove

Unfortunately, 2012 has been the year for heartache in my life.  I had some small relationships come and go, and some loved ones pass on- but this year, I won’t accept anything less than you.  Prepare yourself, I’m coming for you.

While many of us make resolutions in the new year, to me, 2013 marks a milestone in my love life; she just doesn’t know it yet.  But she will, even if it kills me!  This is my new year declaration, I’m like Babe Ruth calling my shot.

I promise you I will be the best man I can be this year.

I promise I will find you, and do whatever it takes to make you the center of my world.

I promise to hold you in my arms, tighter than you’ve ever been held and to protect you at all costs.

I will put my life on the line and die for you if I must.

I promise to love you unconditionally and without doubt or question.

I promise you acceptance in all aspects of your life.

I promise to be your knight when you need to fight, your crutch when you’re too tired to stand, and your light when you’re scared or have doubts.

I promise to put your feelings before my own, and to support you in whatever path you choose in life- even if it’s not my path, because seeing you happy means more than ending my search.

I promise to grow old with you, and still hold your hand up until our last breath.

 

Welcome to the new year, Love.  These are my promises to you.  If you’re out there reading this, just sit tight, I will find you.  You have my word.

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a new year of love

Welcome to the year 2013!

2013

Remember all those futuristic movies from the 70’s that depicted the 2000’s as a century where everyone wore tight shiny jumpsuits and they all had sex with each other telepathically?  No?  Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part.

2012 was NOT that year.  However, we are in an era of skinny jeans, and Siri, so who knows what 2013 will bring.

So, here’s a toast- to a new year of love.

May the next 365 days bring you all the wealth, prosperity, and endless passion you deserve.

Yours Always,

Sabatino and hotcupoflove.com

 

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midnight love

New years eve can be the ushering in of new and exciting romance, or the countdown to loneliness.

NYE

Hopefully for you it’s the former.

When you’re single, New Years Eve can be either exciting or a complete bust, and it all comes down to the final seconds.  I mean, when making a wish list, locking lips in a chance for passionate romance as the ball is dropping ranks right up there with things like traveling to Europe or meeting Gandhi.  GANDHI, for peat’s sake!  My question to you is, who are you snogging this New Years?

If you’re going to a party with a date, that question may be simple to answer, but for those of us running the evening stag, you may luck out, or you may have to get crafty.  Here’s the situation.

You’re at a party, let’s say at a friend’s house, and you’ve been eyeing up this girl all night.  You’ve only got ten minutes before midnight and everyone has started to huddle around the television in preparation.  The champagne is being poured, and you’re all a bit loose.  What do you do?  Well you know you have to be close to her, so you inch your way up through the crowd to make sure you get a spot right next to her.  I mean, you want to be close, like almost touching, and if it’s a sizeable party this shouldn’t be difficult.  As you eagerly await the countdown, find a way to make conversation with her.  Introduce yourself, tell her you like her scarf, and ask her where she bought it (women seem to really care about those kinds of things).  This will establish a little bit of a rapport with her and make her more comfortable with you.  Be confident and don’t forget to smile!

Positioning is everything here.  If you’re both standing side by side with eyes glued to the television, 90% of the time you want to be on her left side.  Seeing that most people are right-handed, she’ll probably hold her drink in her dominant hand, making an immediate turn to the left more natural when she starts cheering.  If you see that she’s left-handed, it may be in your best interest to switch sides.  See?  You didn’t realize you were going to get a science lesson here.  I’m like the Mr. Wizard of love.

Anyway, the ball drops, the crowd goes bananas, and she just turned to the left to avoid spilling her drink- now’s your chance.

You can thank me tomorrow.

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let love manifest

Can I tell you a secret?

love blocks

I sometimes have a bad habit of pushing love.

The truth is, you can’t force love.  You have to let it grow and manifest itself.  You have to slowly build it like you’re building a strong foundation, one block at a time- and sometimes while you’re hard at work, you have no concept of the progress you’ve made until you take the time to step back and evaluate what you’ve done.

I’m an impatient oaf, and from an outsider’s perspective when I want something really bad, I want it, like, yesterday.  Unfortunately for me, that’s not the way love always works.  It takes time.  It takes attention.  It takes real work from everyone involved.  I understand that, but my problem isn’t with understanding as much as it is with excitement.

I mean, when I meet someone who is a potential “love”, I go crazy.  I’m talking head over hells, drooling, and incompetent crazy.  I think about nothing else but that person for the entire time I’m away from them.  It’s a sickness.  I swear!  That being said, not seeing that person will undoubtedly eventually kill me.  I am sure of it.  She’s my addiction.

Dear readers,

My name is Sabatino, and I’m addicted to this girl who has big beautiful eyes, a killer smile, and gorgeous flowing hair.  She’s one of the most impressive people I’ve ever met, and while she’ll never admit it, she’s an amazing chef, and her energy gives me new life.  She over-exaggerates everything, uses an obnoxious number of smiley faces, and she’s in love with wine, cheese, family, and guys who can cook.  I seriously can’t stop thinking about her.  I may need an intervention.  Help!

Also, my roommate has this weird obsession with bass fishing.  Any suggestions?

With Love,

Sabatino

 

 

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la petite mort

The French are so romantic.

petitemort

La petite mort, or “the little death” is what the French use to describe an orgasm.  I’ll let that sink in for a minute.

However, it can also be used to describe a time in your life of loss, when you feel like a little part of you has died.

I bring this up because I use the feeling of ‘la petite mort’ (not the orgasm) as a gauge of my feelings for someone.  You see, I make decisions with my gut, or heart, but rarely my head.  When I decide to pursue a woman for a relationship, it’s not because I logically think she’s a good fit, but because my heart leaps out for her and begs my head to rationalize it.  Of course, my head can never turn down my heart!

Because of this I sometimes develop this huge sense of loss when I part ways with my date for the evening.  It may just be the adrenaline pumping, but it’s as if a small part of me dies without that person near me- la petite mort.

Furthermore, I find that if this happens frequently with the same girl over an extended period of time, then she is someone special to my heart and should remain important in my life.  Can you imagine feeling like a piece of you has died every time you part ways with your love?  Is there no truer sense of passion than allowing a part of yourself to die for her?  I mean, that’s classic Romeo and Juliet stuff.  I’m talking metaphorically, of course.  I don’t want any of you sliting your wrists tonight in an emotional rage.  I don’t need that hanging over my head.

I love it.  That is where romanticism is born.  When you are willing to put it all on the line.  When you’re willing to take a chance.

Tonight when you left, you took a piece of me- and I’ll never be whole again without you.  la petite mort.

I’m completely in love with you.

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be the man in your relationship

Be the Don Draper in your relationship. You know, without all the womanizing, scotch, and cigarettes.

dondraper

Okay.  You can keep the scotch.

But seriously, why are men not MEN anymore?  I’m not talking about the beer chuggin’, bar fightin’ men, but the kind of men who aren’t afraid to stand up for what they want and take charge every now and again.  Don’t you see??  Women LOVE it when you take charge.  Women WANT a partner who is confident and a leader.  If you want the secret to attracting women, it doesn’t get any easier than this.  Be confident and know what you want.

Being a man also means showing respect.  Are we not opening doors for women anymore?  Did I not get that memo?  Or how about dating for a little while before trying to sleep with your girlfriend?  Are you telling me you can’t go for more than a day or two without sex?  Is her conversation that boring? If so, then just get out now- there’s no hope for the two of you.

And this goes way beyond the women you’re dating.  How is your mother?  When is the last time you told her you loved her?  When did you last carry groceries for a random older woman, or shoveled the snow from your neighbor-lady’s driveway?  Come on, man!

Learning to respect women starts at home.  Get out there and start making a difference.  Trust me, you’ll turn some heads.

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happy christmas, baby

Happy Christmas.  I love you, baby.

wonderful

Christmas is maybe my favorite time of year.  For realz.

There’s just something about it- like this mysterious energy that makes the entire world buzz and gives you that tingly feeling all over.

…Like that “I’m too excited to sleep” feeling.

…Like that “drink too much wine and see how many cookies you can eat” feeling.

…Like that “throw on some Bing Crosby and make sweet, passionate love to your lady” feeling.

 

You get the point.

 

I wish that you all have a very safe and happy holiday season.

I wish that you have all the joys of being in the company of family and friends.

I hope that you get everything you asked Santa for and more,

and that you find true love at every turn.

 

Thank you for all your support and being so good to me.  I am truly grateful.

 

Full of Christmas, Love, and Cookies,

Sabatino

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knowing when to walk away

Taken from the “Ask Sabatino” section of this blog:

Dear Sabatino:

I have been married for six years, but I have fallen completely out of love with my husband.  Sometimes I think the only reason I stay is because I don’t know if there’s anyone else out there for me and because I never thought this would happen to me.  I am ashamed when I think about all the money and time our families had spent for our wedding. I just want to please everyone, but I am miserable.  What should I do?

– Beth

walkaway

Hi Beth!

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time in your marriage. I will try to help you where I can, but understand, only you can make this decision for yourself.

Can I tell you a secret?  I’m actually divorced, and it’s completely embarrassing for me to say that on here- but the truth is, sometimes people were just not meant to be together in that capacity.  I would like to consider myself a prime example that you can do everything in your power to be the best husband or wife, but at the end of the day, sometimes everything isn’t enough.  I gave up my entire life for this person; family, friends, even moved across the world because I thought true love meant completely giving yourself away to someone.  Little did I know, compromising yourself can be just as detrimental to a relationship.

Sometimes people change, and sometimes your views and goals no longer match. For instance, if you want kids some day but he would rather focus on his career, that’s kind of a big deal. Sure, it’s good to compromise in any relationship, but is this an issue you’re willing to compromise on? How many other important issues are you willing to give up if you’re miserable, and better yet, how long are you willing to feel this way?  That gets in to a whole other health situation.

The other problem is he needs to realize how important these things are to you.  Obviously if you’re this upset, this is a major concern for you and should not be taken lightly.

I may not know your entire situation; with these things there are always multiple dimensions, but here’s what I do know from my experiences.  I was completely ashamed to get a divorce- the term “divorce” just carries such a bad stigma.  However, it’s important to remember that we are all human, meaning we are all ever-changing, we all sometimes lose site of where we’re going, and we ALL make mistakes.  I’m in love with being in love, but it pains me to see someone who keeps themselves miserable just to avoid the confrontation of divorce.  I swear, it’s really not that bad, and I promise it gets better.

If I may add one more quick note.  Having kids will NEVER fix a broken marriage.  EVER.  Kids are a huge undertaking that require dedication from everyone involved.  Bringing a child in to this world in an attempt to “fix” your marriage is completely selfish and irrational.  I’m all for having kids, but make sure they’re brought in to a loving home.

I’ll step down from my soapbox now.

To ask Sabatino a question, please use the “Ask Sabatino” tab at the top of the page. 

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yours until the end of the world

If you’re reading this, then the world has not ended yet.

endlove

As I was sitting in my chair, drinking brandy and contemplating the possibility of worldly destruction, I began to think about all the things I’m really thankful for in my life.  Family, friends, my future soulmate, etc…

Of course, there is so much more.  While the Mayans may not have been completely accurate on the date, it really makes you think about what we would do if they were correct.

Make sure you tell your loved ones how much you care about them today.  Call up or text friends and relatives, and tell them you hope they have a great day.   Take today to be thankful for where you’ve already been instead of always looking to where you want to be.  Hug your kids tight as if you never want to let go. Seek out your one true love and tell them you’re waiting for them.

Dear Love:

If you’re out there reading this. If the world hasn’t ended.  If time hasn’t stopped.  I will still be here waiting and crazy for you.   And I will continue to be here until the world ends, or until my time has stopped.  I Hope you have the best day of your life today.

Yours until the world ends,

Sabatino.

 

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love in the bronx

It’s over between us. No, no baby, it’s not you, it’s me.

breakup

A new relationship is maybe the most amazing feeling in the world.  EVER.  But before every new relationship begins, a previous relationship must end; and that can make anyone bitter.  However, knowing the right time to let go can help you through this turbulent transition.

Ever noticed those couples who break up, then get together two days later, then break up again, and back together a few days later?  Yeah. Don’t do that. Not only does it play with your emotions, but it annoys the hell out of your friends.  I would seriously suggest not calling it quits until you’re ready to never see the other person again.  Just stop it already.  Those kind of yo-yo relationships never end up working out anyway.  If there’s that much doubt, you shouldn’t be together.

So, how do you know if you should get involved or run away?

Remember that vision I talked about in the last post, where you’ve been and where you want to go?  Ask yourself, does this person fit the vision of my ideal future?  If not, then move on and try someone else.

Or you could always do what I do when I’m trying to determine if she’s a “great one”- The door test.

BronxTale

According to Sonny, this is the test, as he explains to Calogero in the movie A Bronx Tale:

Sonny:  “Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before  you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car,  you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key,  put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in.  Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and  look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that  button so that you can get in: dump her.”

Calogero:  “Just like that?”

Sonny:  “Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that  button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all  you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her  fast.”

Okay, so maybe the “door test” isn’t the most accurate anymore, especially with most cars now having automatic locks. But I think the point I was trying to make is that your best line of defense against nasty break-ups is proper screening.  In the movie they used the door test, but these days you’ll have to think of something much more practical.

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where you’ve been and where you want to go

This had me thinking about you all night last night.

Yeah, I know, I’m a sap for old love songs from back when times were different and relationships actually meant something.

What’s my point? Well, this got me thinking about my previous relationships; all that I had given to make them work, and what I had taken away from them when they ended.

What I had discovered is that each player in a relationship needs to bring something to the table in order for it to have complete cohesion.  A relationship should be balanced, where you challenge each other, and make up for the other’s weaknesses, all while supporting their strengths.  I have realized that the times I have been in a committed relationship, I am the most on top of my game.  I am strong, and confident. I become this crazy problem solver, latin lover, career and family driven maniac. It didn’t take long for me to attribute this to the women I have kept in my life.  They had, in a matter of weeks, molded me in to a responsible, young man- but looking back is only half the battle.

It’s easy to take relationships day by day.  In fact, the thought of looking too far ahead can become a scary proposition- but what if we all looked far in to the future with every relationship?  Stop reading this for ten seconds.  Close your eyes, and picture your perfect relationship scenario.  Picture your significant other. Picture your house, your car, your life.  What did your life look like in your head?

When I close my eyes, I see a small house. I see an average car.  I see my ideal wife sitting on the back patio steps with a glass of water, whispering in our daughter’s ear while watching our son play baseball in the back yard.  This is a snapshot of my future life.  So, now I look back to my previous relationships, could I really see any of them fitting in to the mold of my “ideal life”?  Not in the slightest.

You can do this with your current relationships, and even future ones.  Let this vision be your guide to finding the perfect soulmate, and don’t be willing to compromise.  I have been doing this exercise frequently for the past two years and have found it’s a great way to keep me on track with my future family goals.

Reclaim your love life.  Don’t be afraid to look back and see where you’ve been in order to better understand where you’re going.  Be dynamic and bring all your goals to the table.  They will be the foundation on which you build your future.

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I wish you enough…

Tonight I was browsing through some of my favorite blogger’s posts and came across a blog called Simply Plaid

romance

I don’t normally like to repost other writer’s work, but this story was so moving to me.  Please read on, and if you like it, please hop on over to Simply Plaid and let them know how much you appreciated it.

“Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the father said, ‘I love you, and I wish you enough.’ The daughter replied, ‘Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.’ They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, ‘Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?’ ‘Yes, I have,’ I replied. ‘Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?’.. ‘I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,’ he said. ‘When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?’ He began to smile. ‘That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone…’ He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. ‘When we said, ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.’ Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye. He then began to cry and walked away.”

Unknown

To me, this is perfection.  Often times in our lives, we find ourselves trying so hard to have or be the best.  I think we forget that too much of anything can be a bad thing.  I won’t sit here and tell you that too much love can be hazardous, because well, I simply don’t believe it.  However, when you think of some of the pitfalls our relationships fall in to, in a lot of cases it’s because we either have too much, or want to much.

Be happy with what you have.  Live simply. Live for love. And if the person you’re with doesn’t want to share in your simple life, then maybe they’re just not supposed to be in it.  Be that person who just has enough, and dedicate the rest of your energy to helping others obtain the same comfort.

For now, fellow readers and writers, I wish you enough. May you always find that balance.

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the perfect gift for the perfect woman in your life

If I bought you a sexy Mrs. Clause outfit, would you wear it for me?

mrsclause

I’m totally serious.  There’s just something about a woman dressed as Mrs. Clause that does it for me.

As I’m sure you’re aware, the holiday season is in like 8 days, and if you’re anything like me, you haven’t even started shopping yet and will find yourself glued to Amazon.com for the next 72 hours.  But what are you going to get your significant other, or your employees, or your mother, or your mother-in-law, or your sister, or your daughter?  After having this discussion with my flatmate, I’ve decided to address these issues as a man, because there are many women in our lives who play various roles- and you wouldn’t want to give mixed signals at the company Christmas party…or maybe you would.  I won’t judge.

Here’s my take on gifts.  Feel free to leave your own opinions in the comments section. I’m sure we all could use your help.

Wife, Fiance, Girlfriend:  If your significant other has been hinting to you for months what she wants this year, then you’re a lucky man.  For the rest of us who are left trying to figure it out, I always suggest something romantic paired with something practical.  When I say ‘practical’, I mean something she will use on almost a daily basis.  This could consist of a tasteful piece of jewelery, or that e-reader she’s been begging for because she’s obsessed with Sabatino at hotcupoflove.com.  The romantic gift keeps the passion alive in a rushed holiday season, while the practical gift will be a daily reminder of how much you care about her wants and needs.  Neither one has to cost a lot of money, but both must be sincere and come from the heart.

 

Sisters, Cousins, and Friends:  Don’t worry, this one’s easy.  Keep the gift light and fun.  Maybe tickets to her favorite broadway musical or sporting event, or something for her dorm, apartment, or home.  In most cases I will pair a fun gift with a gag gift, but only because my sister and I have the same sick humor.  I can treat her as family, but also as a friend.  Don’t be afraid to have a little fun with this, but make sure there’s a little sincerity because you know she searched forever to find you something perfect. 

Your Boss:  Ugh.  The dreaded boss gift.  This one has plagued me for years.  You want to get her something that is sincere and that says ‘I really appreciate working for you’ without crossing the line and getting too personal.  If your office doesn’t do it already, talk to some of your co-workers about pitching in some money and going in on a gift together.  In these cases I find a customized gift basket to be perfect.  It’s easy to keep the cost low, it’s personalized, and if done right, can be aesthetically pleasing.  For example: maybe your boss is a coffee snob.  You can easily fill a small basket with her favorite blend, creative mugs, gift cards to her local cafe, and pastries.  Wrap it in plastic to hold it all together, and tie it with a bow.  She’ll absolutely appreciate it, and it’s guaranteed to turn some heads as she carries it out to her car. 

Your Employees:  This one’s for you, Jay.  Being a manager and lover of people, my flatmate asked what he should get for his management team of all women.  It’s important to remember your role as a manager.  First and foremost, you should absolutely get them something.  Employees are a company’s greatest asset and should be shown that you personally appreciate all their hard work. Second, you should really get them all the same thing.  You never want to seem partial to one but not the other- trust me they will notice.  In these cases, I usually suggest something from Bath and Body Works, or Yankee Candle.  These types of places usually offer discounted ‘gift packages’ around the holidays, which will take the guess-work out and make you seem like you actually know what you’re doing. 

For the Lady of the House:  The holiday season is one of the most active times of year for house visits and parties.  While you may be bouncing around town trying to make an appearance for every invite, don’t forget to thank the one who invited you.  This can be done with a bottle of wine, a small tray of cookies,  or some other confection.  This is a respect thing. You should never show up empty-handed, even if you were specifically told you didn’t need to bring anything.  Show up with something for the hosts, and as long as you don’t hit the nog too hard and end up half-naked and passed out in their front yard, you’ll probably get an invite again next year.  Then again, if your friends are anything like mine, it’s not a party until someone’s half-naked and passed out in the snow.

Let’s recap.

1) Every gift should be given with sincerity and a little thought.

2) Go that extra mile for those who are close to your heart.

3) Pairing gifts is a great way to bring multiple dimensions to your gift exchange.

 

Hope that helps!  I would love to hear your ideas on this topic.

I hope you all have a great and safe holiday season!

 

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you guys are amazing

Are you kidding me??

thankyou

A Hot Cup of Love has only been up for a week now and there is already so much to be grateful for.  I started this blog because, as a man, pouring your emotions out to your friends at a seedy pub usually puts yourself on the receiving end of ridicule.  Romance and love have always been a passion of mine, and I never thought in my wildest dreams that anyone would want to read any of this.  You have all proved me wrong- and I’m completely humbled by that.

So, thank you, so very much to all the readers, bloggers, facebookers, and twitter-ers (?) who follow, read, comment, like, and tweet about not only hotcupoflove.com, but love in general.

Also, thank you to my parents, grandparents, sister, aunts, and uncles who have provided me with the best examples of what it means to be in love, and to a special lady friend who motivates me to seek out “the one”.

You’re all so amazing.  Thank you.

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um yes, let’s make out

The stuff trashy romance novels are made of.

makeout

Or at least usually how they start and end, with a lot of crazy stuff in between.

You’re at a party. You catch eyes with a woman from across the room and there’s instant attraction.  You saunter over and introduce yourself in your best Barry White voice.  “Good evening, I’m Sabatino; I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room”.  A conversation erupts and you find out she loves fine wine just as much as you do, and although she’s Irish, she kind of looks Italian, so you’re cool with that.  You spend the rest of the night exchanging witty banter and as the party begins winding down, you find yourselves passionately engaged in a steamy make-out session in the garden- and the kitchen- and again in the driveway- and in your car behind Walmart, even though you know it’s not classy but, damn it, you just need a quiet and dark corner.

But I digress.  Remember that feeling when everything was new and you couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off?  Why is it that most relationships fall out of this “honeymoon stage” after a short period of time?  I truly believe making out saves relationships.  Yeah I know there are going to be a lot of nay-sayers about this one, but think about it!  Making out is the cornerstone of a sexually healthy and bonded relationship!  It’s the gateway to a more physically gratifying partnership. It’s a reminder that as we get older, our love stays young and strong.  It can transcend acceptance and commitment!

Today I issue you this challenge.  Find someone to make out with.  It could be a spouse, a significant other, good friend, love interest, or anyone else you’ve been dying to lock lips with.  If you’re married, grab your husband or wife and look them in the eyes.  Tell them sincerely that you love them and go in for the kill. It will be fun!  You may be a bit rusty if you haven’t made out in a while, but it’s like riding a bike- you’ll pick it up again. I strongly urge those of you who are in relationships to set aside ten minutes each week to spend alone time with your partner- for heaven’s sake you need to remind each other that you’re still in love!

If that’s not enough for you, here are some basic health benefits to smooching:

1) It can help prevent tooth decay.

2) It’s a stress reliever

3) Kissing burns calories.

4) It can boost your immunity.

Plus, you’ll make every other couple around you jealous.  In my opinion, making out is vital to a healthy relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together- and with so much passion flying around the room, expect to see changes in your partner that you haven’t seen since the first time you met.

Hi, I’m Sabatino. Who wants in on this?

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food love

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

foodlove

This is completely accurate.  However, did you know that like 90% of women love a man who can cook?  Okay, so I may have made up that statistic, but seriously, chicks dig men who know their way around the kitchen.  Take it from me, I was a chef in a previous life. If you can throw together a quick meal that doesn’t consist of boxed mac and cheese or ramen noodles, the ladies will be throwing themselves at you.  It’s okay, you’ll get used to it.

Here’s the situation:  you’ve been out on a few dates with your special lady friend, and things are going well but you’re eager to take it to the next level.  What do you do? Take her out to a romantic dinner overlooking the city, or clean your apartment for a change and have her over for a casual dinner and a few glasses of wine?  Invite her over, dummy!  Think about it!  You’re cooking, she’s impressed, the wine is making you look good, and you’ve got home field advantage.  It’s a lock!

Okay, so you’re no Mario Batali (google it). No worries, because I have stumbled upon a gem of a site that is going to give you that tingly feeling down there.  er, in your stomach.  And I can guarantee if you can pull this off, she’ll be putty in your hands.  I introduce you to How Sweet It Is  – your gateway to food romance.

Sorry Jess, I stole this picture from your site, but I’m trying to make a point here!

pomchick

Yeah, that’s sweet and sticky pomegranate chicken.  Go ahead, take it all in for a minute. I’ll wait.

Jessica is the mad scientist over at How Sweet It Is  and runs the table from small starters to sweet finishes- indulging all your senses.  Well, at least all MY senses.  Is it getting hot in here?  She writes easy to follow recipes that even you can follow, and despite her somewhat cult-like following, makes an honest effort to reply to questions with a sweet and nurturing undertone.  In fact…

[Hi Jess, it’s me, Sabatino.  Uhh, hotcupoflove.com?  Oh. you’ve never heard of it. It’s just a sappy dumb blog about…you know, nevermind.  You should totally come over my place for dinner and wine. I’m cooking. Yeah, it’s just a little something I learned overseas, no biggie.  What? No, noooo this isn’t creepy at all.  This is very normal. This is what normal people do, right?  Am I right?  Why are you not responding??]

This is how I would assume our conversation would go.  *sighs*

Well?  Why are you still reading this?  Start working on your menu and get that girl!  Oh!  and let me know how it goes.  I’m a sucker for a good romantic story.  Also, if you need any cooking tips, leave me a comment.  I’m not so bad in the kitchen, myself.  I promise to respond.

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when is love not enough?

My entire life has been built on love.

measure

But at what point is love not enough anymore?  I recently had this discussion with a friend of mine who is in the process of questioning her own relationship- which in turn caused me to reevaluate the past thirty years of my existence.

I suppose I’ve been very fortunate.  I grew up with two parents who love each other and are each other’s best friend, and grandparents who were still in the “newly wed” stage after 50 years of marriage. My family is still very close, and we all go to Mom’s house every Sunday for dinner and to talk about our week.

My grandparents came over from Italy with nothing.  My grandfather traveled ahead of my grandmother, established income, and slowly built a life for his family.  He then sent for my grandmother.  As poor immigrants, they had nothing for the next 20 years except love for each other and love for their family. They lead simple and rich lives, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a love so strong.

As they got older and their five kids slowly got married and moved out, they were able to live a little more comfortably- never in excess. There was no need for that. In their minds, they had everything.  Every Sunday they would have all the children and grandchildren over for breakfast, it was the highlight of their week.  I would often see my grandparents out during the week, either at the movie theater, or at their favorite restaurant- sitting on the same side of the booth, holding hands while they ate.   My grandfather would randomly kiss my grandmother in public, or ask the waitress how beautiful she thought his wife was; he absolutely adored her.

Later, my grandmother developed dementia, and my grandfather took care of her, refusing to leave her side.  Like something out of The Notebook, he would post old pictures all over the house and tell her stories of the memories they shared together, now long forgotten.  At one point my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer, but refused to be treated or tell anyone because being in the hospital meant being away from his love- to him, love was more important than death.  He suffered so that my grandmother would be more comfortable and died sleeping next to her.

After his passing, we had found a journal he kept in his room.  All letters to my grandmother. Here’s an excerpt from one entry:

“Dear Mary:

I wish I could tell you that I am sick, but I can’t put you through this. Please forgive me. I love you so much. I will never find the words to convey that properly….”

Here is an example of two people who were madly in love, didn’t have much, and refused to leave each other’s side. What scares me is that I don’t see much of this anywhere today.  Where is the passion for one another? Why are we so afraid to be head over heels (hells)  for another person?

I would happily trade all my possessions for one true love.  When you think that way, the rest of the pieces will fall in to place.

Make love a priority.

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i pine for you

I don’t know how to say this but I’m crazy about you.

pine

You are completely remarkable.  I mean, I don’t know if I’ve ever really met anyone like you.  Furthermore, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way about anyone.  Sometimes I just want to whisk you away to somewhere warm, and spend hours just staring in to your eyes and talking.

Sometimes you look at me with this bashful grin, and I can tell in your eyes that you’re hanging on my every word.  I still haven’t figured out why, considering I’m a blubbering idiot around you.  I often catch myself rambling about inane subjects because I get so nervous and it’s completely out of my control.  Still, you sit and listen, and tell me how knowledgable I am, and act interested, even if you’re not- and I never know how to react. I don’t know if anyone has really ever cared about what I have to say.  Most people just tune me out.  Yet, you have a way of capturing me.

I’m not always good with my words, but I am completely grateful to have you in my life.  Thank you for making me a priority. That’s really all I’ve ever wanted.

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A nice segway from my “social media love” post.

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Saw this and had to reblog it. Jessica outlines it perfectly.

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social media love

I’ve always said I’m much more interesting in text.

loveactually

It is for this reason that I find the various types of social media are the perfect venue for meeting women.  I know what you’re thinking, that’s kind of creepy- but it’s not like that at all!  First of all, I look much better in a controlled atmosphere.  I can completely control how the person on the other side views me just by carefully selecting which pictures I choose to post.  Also, it’s a great place to showcase your talents.  Telling that girl at the bar how great you can cook can come across like bragging and might be a huge turnoff, but if she sees the pictures of your homemade dinner on Facebook, it adds validity to your game.  Make comments, be charming and funny, and see where it takes you.

Also, consider this.  Facebook allows friends of friends to see when you comment on their page, so not only are you able to attract the person of interest, but now your witty comments are reaching their friends.  If the person you’re pursuing isn’t picking up on your vibe, don’t sweat it. Chances are you’re being noticed by someone else in her social circle.  The great part about this is you already know you have mutual friends, which makes a group date a lot more comfortable.

It should be mentioned that this method isn’t the best for picking up a girl in a matter of hours.  I like to think of it as building a relationship backwards.  In most cases, their page reveals a pretty detailed snapshot of their current life.  Before even meeting, you’re already going to have a good idea of her interests and can incorporate those in to a conversation when you finally get that first date. Read what she writes, check out her pictures- and don’t forget that she’s doing the same to you, so make sure you’re keeping your page current and appropriate.

Women see Facebook as a way of screening men before meeting them in person.  So, be sure to put your best foot forward. I have converted many dates through social media outlets, and find that they’re some of the most enjoyable ones. In many ways you’ll feel as though you already know each other.  You’ll both be more comfortable and confident, and this will allow you to be the man she’s been so eager to meet- the real you.   Don’t blow it.  Just kidding!  You’re going to be great!

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he’s one of the great ones

Dear Sabatino,

My younger sister just got married to a really great guy.  They only dated for a year before getting married but she told me she knew he was her soulmate after three dates.  I am 32 years old and have been in both long and short relationships, though I have never felt that any of them were ‘the one’. How do you know you’ve met your soulmate?

Amy

 

Hi, Amy!

I’ll be the first to admit, this isn’t my strong point.

boygirl

Looking for love can sometimes be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.  While it seems the majority of relationships are pursued in dark pubs or the local cafe, it’s important to realize that certain atmospheres attract certain people, and may or may not be the best place for you to cultivate a strong partnership.  If you’re not finding one of your “great ones” at the bottom of a Pinot Noir bottle, then maybe it’s time to start looking elsewhere- or dare I say, stop looking altogether.

They say love happens when you least expect it, so why are you expecting to find it?  Rather, try putting yourself in situations for love to find YOU.  That’s right, the only work this requires is for you to have fun and enjoy yourself.  I believe that we all have soulmates out there. I say soulmates, as in plural, as in more than one, because I believe there are a whole group of people out there that are perfect for you; some more than others.

My advice is to find a few social circles to get involved in and make sure whatever you’re doing is something you really enjoy.  Instead of seeking out Mr. Right, let your happiness and natural fun attitude act as a lure to reel him in.  When you’re doing something you’re passionate about, you are more confident and secure in your surroundings.  These qualities act as a beacon to those around you.  Not only will you increase your chances of attracting love, but your family and friends will also start to see a positive transformation in you- and the energy from that can be dynamic.  Best of luck, and I look forward to hearing how it goes!

 

To ask Sabatino a question, please click on the ‘ask sabatino’ link at the top of the page.  Response times vary.

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Facebook

colA Hot Cup of Love is now on facebook! Add me for the latest updates.

www.facebook.com/hotcupoflove

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a toast- to love

Love is…
cupoflove

…timeless. I mean, I’m talking about pure, uninhibited, romance. The kind that makes you feel like your heart is beating out of your chest and creates that knot in your throat like your necktie is too tight. I’m talking about the first time you realized you had feelings for a girl and it seemed like everything else around you became brighter and more vibrant. I’m talking about that natural high when you lean in for that first kiss. This is the real deal!

Love is passionate. Love is understanding. Love is crazy, scary, and a completely obtainable utopia- and I’m going to show you how to harvest it.

So, a toast- to love.

May you enjoy every sip.

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10 Facts About Love and the Brain

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Love Is In Your Mind

While we usually connect love with the heart, new studies have shown that love actually stems from the brain. Pioneering work by researchers both at Rutgers University and University College London have shown that romantic love activates regions of the brain involved with risk and reward -— and deactivates areas involved with judgment and decision-making.

Love Is In Your Mind

Moreover, Helen Fisher, one of my favorite researchers, says that there are three systems for love in the brain: one for sex, one for romantic love and one for attachment. She says that these systems work together but can just as easily work against one another, resulting in all the triumphs and defeats we talk about when we talk about love.

Your Hormones Aren’t in Control

We are told from birth that we’re slaves to our hormones, and that those bad boys influence everything we…

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Soulmates?

tiny little stars

My good friend E and I had a running discussion that lasted for several years about whether soulmates actually existed. I believe they do, she believes they do not.

When she and I met I was single and she was -and still is – married. We taught together at the same school. During one “ice-breaker” activity on the first inservice day, we had to share what our favorite book was. She and I both answered Catcher in the Rye. From that point on, I knew we were meant to be friends for life.

I don’t remember exactly how the subject of soulmates came up, but I would imagine that I was waxing poetically about how I desired to meet mine: The One, someone I couldn’t live without, someone who was connected to me by our souls. Not missing a beat she said, “There is no such thing as a…

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You’re Required to be a Lady- if you Want to Attract a Man

Adventures Under My Pirate Flag

Here is a funny Ecard travelling around out there that caught my attention and seemed relevant in many walks of life.

oldfashioned

Although I find this incredibly humorous, it is sadly true for many people I see today. Now, I like looking just as attractive as the next gal, and I think that if you have a  great body, hell let’s show that bad boy off- but there is a time and place for everything.

Shorts should be longer than your underwear (and your cookie, as described above!) Bathing suits should be worn in the pool- and only in such settings. There is a difference between showing some cleavage and showing some nipple- let’s not get borderline with it. I recently learned the term ‘turtle dress.’ A guy told me this is when a girls dress is so short you can see her turtle- we shouldn’t even have a need for this!

This brings…

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On Dating a Single Mother

After dating a single mother for roughly a year, I thought this was relevent to mention.